Redeeming Love

During my first night at camp, the week of June 22nd, I read a wonderful book called "Redeeming Love". It was incredible and life changing. It was the story of Hosea and Gomer - in this case Angel and Michael. It was a book that Jeri told me that God kept after her to give me to read. I understand why that is - after reading it. I really heard God saying that I am worthy and redeemable.

I am a girl that thinks that her past will scare men away but God is trying to tell me that the man that he has chosen for me will not be scared of my past. He will see me as captivating! I can find that love I am searching for - with a good, Christian, man. A man that is handsome, strong, fitness minded, Spirit led, and not well off but wealthy enough to take me to dinner and provide a decent home.

After reading the book, I spent some very beautiful, intimate time with God. It was amazing. I had been reading Redeeming Love, then the first few chapters of Hosea, then I picked up my Captivating book and he showed me AGAIN the scriptures that He wanted me to read and believe:
Hosea 2:6 - I will hedge up your way with thorns, and wall her in, so that she cannot find her paths. She will chase after her lovers, but not overtake then; Yes, she will seek them, but not find them. Then she will say "I will go and return to my first husband for it was better for me than now" Then, in verse 14: I will allure her, will bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfort to her. 16: And it will be in that day", says the Lord, " That you will call me "my husband" and no longer call me "my master".

God wants me to pursue HIM, not a man. He wants to have an intimate relationship with me. He does not want me to "chase" after lovers...he is my husband. He provides for me, woos me, and pursues me. He is an amazing God that wants me to long only for Him. I will have that flesh and blood man in His due time. He is showing me, in many ways, the kind of man that He desires for me and the kind of man that should be the ONLY kind that I desire. A man that will honor me, encourage me, and strengthen me.

Spending time with the Holy Spirit, I have felt many emotions - love, comfort, attention - but none of the emotions have been negative, which is different from the emotions that I have felt in the past in relationships. I don't feel pain, shame, anger, unworthiness, or unloved. I like this feeling of control and compassion.