Someone that resembles Tracey

I can't sleep. It is 2:48 in the morning and I am wide awake even though Tiffany and I are leaving in just 3 hours for North Carolina. I picked up my computer after laying down for 30 minutes without sleep and decided to blog....the strangest thing happened, an old blog that I had began over a year and a half ago came up on the screen when I went to the blogspot site. I did not even have to sign in.

I began reading the entries and I should have been embarrassed. I was so honest about the fact that I had wanted to meet a man that I wanted to just hug and kiss. How sad for that girl. She did not know the intimacy of a relationship with God..the true romance and love. She did not even yearn for an intimate, heart relationship with a man. Okay, that is not exactly true. She did yearn for that relationship but went about all the wrong ways to receive it. I have gone on and on about how much I have changed but I know that God showed me those entries so that I could realize that the man of my TRUE dreams is a man that will love me like my savior loves me.

I am reading a book by Francine Rivers, the author of Redeeming Love. It is the second book of the Mark of the Lion Series. The main character is Hadassah. She is a plain woman - she does not have striking beauty, she is not lovely to look at to any of the male characters in the book but she does have admirers. She is admired because of her heart. She is such a woman of God. She prays constantly, does not sway in her faith, she is very kind and never angry, she is very forgiving, and, therefore, very desirable.

The definition of beauty is the quality that gives pleasure to the mind or senses and is associated with such properties as harmony of form or color, excellence of artistry, truthfulness, and originality. Hadassah is beautiful to many men because of the respect that she shows men and women alike, her strong moral character, her faithfulness, and the way she shows care to those that she encounters. I love that she is not seen as a typical beauty but that people are drawn to her because of her heart.

I am a different person from the Tracey that I read about that was struggling in so many aspects of her life. I had such a strong desire to delete the posts and hide that Tracey once and for all. I have said many times that I have changed and I am so glad for that. I am also glad that I no longer feel the desire to seek a man that will not choose to seek my heart. I have also learned that there is no truer scripture than "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and ALL these things shall be added unto you". God is molding me into the woman that I need to be so that I am "good" enough to be with the man that God intends for me.