My dream, of course, is for a marriage partner but I also have dreams of being in a job that allows me to continue in my responsibilities as a mother and the time to do it effectively. I have often felt as if this was not an attainable dream. I felt this way not just because I have messed up in my chance at a good relationship and a good job but also because of my age. My dreams often seem exciting and attainable and then slowly, they turn to discouraging. Why would a good Christian man want me? I am a chubby, 41 year old dreamer. Also, why would a health club hire me when they could hire someone slim, young and beautiful.
I told plenty of people that I will get my group fitness cert when I have lost the weight needed. Shelly said that if I wait and don't pursue it when I am feeling lead, I will miss out on the blessings that God has for me. I love asking God to keep showing me my dreams and to help give me the wisdom to dis-cipher the dreams from fantasy. I need understanding and guidance. I need the self esteem to KNOW that I am worthy and that nothing is impossible with God - He will strengthen me. In John 10:10 it says that the forces of darkness come to steal your life - that fear, negativity, past hurt and false beliefs can all keep me imprisoned. If this is happening, I need to press on. The negative voices in my head are just turbulence in my flight toward my dream!
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