The dark place

I am going through a season of loneliness. My life is much different than I have ever known it to be and I am not handling it well. A year ago, when I felt lonely, I would call Heather and meet her for a drink or I would just leave the house so that I would not have to feel all four walls closing in on me. I am in a much different place right now....so, why does it still feel like such a dark place?

I went to a GSA activity today and I just did not fit in so well. In high school, I was the head cheerleader and so full of energy and friends with everybody but now I struggle to find my fit. It is crazy that I am going through this. I sat with an awesome woman, Cheryl, and talked for most of the afternoon. It was great to talk to her and she is so comfortable with just being with her kids. I love being with my boys but they were all over the place today. They were swinging, diving and sliding...not activities that I cared to join in.

There were a group of GSA people that were all hanging out together. I have never felt comfortable with that group of people and I don't really think that they even know my name. I honestly have never cared that I was not included in their clique until I was obviously not included. Which is a silly statement. It did punctuate the statement that I said earlier, though, - I am going through a season of loneliness.

I watched TD Jakes on television today and he was talking on Samson. He said that Samson, after being tempted by Delilah, beaten and shackled, was taken to a dark place. He went on to say that everyone that God has ever "used" has been taken to a dark place. The dark place can be a place of regret, a place of shame, a place of loneliness, a place that has lost it's sense of pleasure, etc. He also said that the dark place is not a place where God has left you. You will never know your greatest task until you have been through a dark place.

TD Jake's church then began to jump up and down, praising God. They were shouting as if the burden had been lifted, they were laughing as if the healing had come, they were smiling as if the bills had been paid, they were jumping as if "Mr. Right" was right there in sight. Okay, so do I need to rejoice in this dark place - knowing that God's provision is on the way? I will pray, tonight, for God to show me how to do that.