Distractions, distractions, distractions

I have been ignoring a lot of things - a lot of outside influences - so that I can work on my dreams. I am saying "no" to meeting up with friends and even doing good things like attending service. I have been volunteering at church and then watching the service online so that I can take better notes and have less distractions. It is also good because I am able to react and stop and ponder the things that were just said by the pastor.

I am not going to get in the practice of missing the service because I get so much out of being with the body of believers but I also have that chance when attending GSA on Monday nights. I am just being very conscious of the other things that I also need to accomplish so that I can make the best of my time. I also am taking time to rest. Saturday night, I did not get a lot of sleep so I took a much needed nap because I am also realizing the importance of rest.

I realized, this weekend, a lot of other things. Okay, this sounds so silly but it was big for me. I realized that, in my past, I played the blame game often. I spent time, last night, writing in my journal after reading Captivating and then this weekend's sermon backed up what I wrote. It is my dream to be loved in a way that makes me feel valued, set apart, and truly loved for the first time in my life. I have often told friends that I have never been truly loved; that if things were not right in the relationship, I complained. I did have some pretty extreme problems in the relationships but I always threw in the towel. I then would complain about the relationship, place blame, and express my disappointment but I never realized how disappointed the men must have been. As I said, some cases were very extreme and I had a right to walk away from the marriage but I still had blame. I am still learning the qualities that I want in a man but, maybe, I need to turn the tables and realize that there are some pretty important qualities that God, and my future husband, may want me to possess.

I loved the positive thoughts that are keeping me distracted, like those above, but there are a lot of other distractions that I am learning to decline. I am learning that the distractions that are of this world are those that make me feel weak, tired, and ultimately disappointed. I realize that many of these "life lessons" that I am learning are things that many people learned by their mid twenties but I am just now receiving the proper teaching. Shelly also talked to me about making and following through with a list... just a short list of things that I want to accomplish for the day and I completed almost everything on my list...I have just a few more things to do...right now! : )