Patience is a virtue

My dreams will take some time to achieve but that is a hard reality to admit. It is especially hard to wait for God to bring the right man into my life but it is also hard to wait on weight loss, for the job that will fit my family and I, and hard to fit exercise into an already busy day.

As far as the relationship is concerned, I realize a lot of things but the realization does not make it any easier. I realize that I have changed a lot and that I don't want to attract the same men anymore. I DO wish that I had male friends, though. I was reading the single pastor's FaceBook page and he posted a few questions on dating vs. friends. One of the girls that is now married said that her friendships with male friends helped her achieve the relationship that she now has with her husband. That is so nice. I just don't have close men that are friends. I have be praying for that but, of course, the prayers often then continue to the subject of a more intimate relationship.

Shelly said that I need to make the decision to praise God regardless if she blesses me with a relationship or not. OF COURSE. I love the way that I am being wooed by God but that is also showing me the way that I can be wooed by the right man. God is fulfilling more than any lover has ever fulfilled. He truly is my provider, husband, the father of my children, etc...but I want a flesh and blood man to make me feel desirable. I don't think that is such a bad thing - that is how God made women...to desire to be known, to take part in an adventure, and to be rescued. I just feel discouraged when I am around so many couples that are getting engaged and moving on to the next stage in life. I am not jealous, I just want to show myself how I can woo, love, care, trust...all the things that God is teaching me so well...I want to have a man to share those things with. I want something meaningful and beautiful.

Now, the fact that I am not in a healthy relationship does not make me want to go towards an unhealthy relationship. I have gone that route and I know the outcome. Now, I would lie if I said that I did not want to go out to a club and dance the night away. I don't want to meet anyone to dance with but I do want to dance. I know that with the right group of girls, I could go and feel completely fine but there are a few friends that I need to steer clear of, right now, and know that God will bless me for that. I guess the fact that I am home on a Friday night, which would have been unheard of two years ago, is the reason that I would like to be out on a dance floor right now. I know that the remedy to getting what I want, more than any other option, is to continue to pray!!

Another realization that I have found is that IF I were in that serious relationship, I would not have the time to continue spending time with the wonderful, single ladies that I am growing lasting relationships with. If I had already reached this dream, I would not enjoy the process of getting to know myself, like I have through reading, studying, and the mentoring process. I also know that if I wanted to hurry along the process, I could begin dating but I do not enjoy meeting a stranger and having to measure up to their expectations and the expectations that I have set for them. Dating sites will never again be an option. I will continue to be patient because my past is a testimony for what my impatience cost me. I had so much pain and anger, loss of self esteem, and loss of respect for myself. If I had just waited and gave God control, like I am now...I would have never dated the losers of the past and I could possibly already have achieved ALL the goals that I have for myself.

Inn Galations 5:22, God calls patience "the fruit of the spirit". I am going to begin praying for patience, along with the wisdom and understanding that I have already been praying to receive.